A number of you have been wondering about the purpose of your lives and whether you are doing the right thing?

It’s quite natural for these queries to crop up. Every once in a while, when you sit back and relax and you wonder what are you doing with your life, this question pops up? Am I doing the right thing? More importantly, and especially when, you seem to be leading a routine, dull, daily life – when life seems to be a rigmarole. Each day is “same-to-same”. Each day seems to be a repeat of the previous day, and the one previous to that. Fact is, if you slice off a week, from between, you’d not even realize which week has been sliced.

Sad, right? This is not what life is supposed to be, right? Each day should invigorate me. Each day should fill me up with energy, ready to bounce, ready to roll, ready to impact all those lives that come in touch with me, right?

What is the missing ingredient? Why is this NOT happening? Why does the day seem to be such a bore, dragging its feet? It’s neigh impossible to wake up in the morning and feel enthusiastic about the day ahead.

Seems familiar? Sounds familiar? Is this what YOUr life has turned out to be? After all the Engineering Degree/ Management Degree? And YOU thought you’d make a difference. It’ll be joyous, fun-filled journey.

Welcome to Reality!!

But let me share some tips to make it a reality.

1. Give as much as you can and where ever you can. Helping other people is healthier and makes you feel good.

2. Relate to people. Truly connect. People with strong social relationships are healthier and find happiness. Keep the principle of family first foremost.

3. Exercise and take care of your body. Each morning get up and inject fresh oxygen into your system. Do anything, walk, run, yoga … definitely not in the gym!! Go out and let fresh oxygen in. It charges the billion cells of your body and you feel great.

4. Appreciate the good things of life. Have an Attitude of Gratitude. Be in the present. Look around and be thankful for the wonderful gift of life. Enjoy the present.

If you are depressed, YOU are living in the past, If you are anxious, YOU are living in the future. If you are at PEACE, you are living in the Present.

5. Be a Child and remember as a child you kept learning each day. Keep learning each day. Learning keeps you curious and engaged.

6. Attitude of  Positivity. There can only be good – just because you cannot see it now, doesn’t mean it’ll not happen. Good things are in store. Have patience and keep working. Do your duty with a pure intent, without looking to the rewards. It sounds tough, but its easy. Just do it!!

7. Accept the consequences of your action. Things will happen – but all in good time. So just have patience and continue to enjoy what you are doing.

But then these seven steps will make my mind positive but what about my office. The work environment, the crabby boss, the *** colleague and so forth.

Foremost, be clear as to what you want to do. The moment, you realize you are doing things which are ‘giving back’, you start enjoying the work. Some people call it passion. Just that, when you are doing it, you don’t look at your watch (or even your fb/whatsapp), and you kinda enjoy what you are doing.

Get to do those things. To find your purpose, therefore, ask yourself, “What is my Statement?” How will people describe you in one sentence?

He single-handedly, fought for the freedom of his nation non-violently and successfully ousted a 200 year old regime, to gain Independence for his Country.

What is YOUr Statement?

Or why don’t I seem to Achieve all that I’ve set myself to achieve.

The ‘Monkey’ controls my Actions.

In my last post I penned about “Am I losing Focus?” and signed off mentioning about Instant Gratification.

A number of readers came back to me with: YOLO (you only live once)/ Lyf is to be enjoyed/ why delay instant gratification and live a lyf of no limits, no restraints. Well, well …

Prof Walter Mischel (American-Austrian Psychologist) of Standford University came out with his seminal work; The Marshmallow Experiment. The students who could delay instant gratification were psychologically better adjusted, more dependable, motivated and scored better grades. It improves your will power and helps reach your long term goals faster. The exact same participants in 2011 reflected that the basic characteristics of the individuals remained for life.

And yet, we succumb to ‘Instant Gratification’. While in most cases we think we are in control. Dan Ariely in his book ‘Predictably Irrational’ highlights how your mind can be easily manipulated, so much so that, you’re predictably irrational. Remember, the ice cream you craved and gave into, despite dieting promises.

While the YOLO brigade shout from rooftops of ‘Carpe Diem‘ – Seize the Day and how you need to do whatever you feel like. Well, they also need to hear about ‘Carpent tua poma nepotes‘ – Good things come to those who wait or as we say in vernacular; ‘sabr ka phal mithaa’.

The question is why do we give in, when we know that giving in/ succumbing to instant gratification is harmful in the long run, it diminishes focus and prevents us from our long term goals. Why do we, despite making promises, falter on coming to crossroads and make a wrong choice? Do we lose control of our minds? Or is the Monkey controlling us, making decisions for us?

Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfillment without delay or deferment. Basically, it’s when you want it; and you want it now. When we don’t get fulfillment, our psychological response is anxiety or tension and often manifests as procrastination. It’s a form of self-sabotage where you get caught up indulging in the temptations of life at the cost of your long-term goals. Indulging in instant gratification is a clear sign that you lack self-discipline and highlights that you are unable to control your emotional urges. This subsequently has significant consequences on your life resulting in narrow-minded thinking, poor decision making, and planning habits.

Delayed gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pleasure (comfort) in order to gain significant long-term pleasure and future rewards. In other words, you ward off short-term temptations that might distract you from your long-term goals and instead focus on what you need to do to achieve your desired long-term outcomes. Why doesn’t the mind obey your orders? fMRI (functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) observed increased activity in anterior prefrontal cortex (aPFC), thinking about the future. This image is fuzzy and hence NOT appealing. How do we make this tempting?

The aim is to get the impulsive people to produce activity in their brain that shows they’re thinking about future in a CONCRETE way, making them look and act more patiently. Because the future is fuzzy and impulsive people have an especially hard time imagining it, clinical treatments involve de-emphasizing the present, making it more abstract, building a concrete image of future.

Some Strategies for Delayed Gratification and not succumbing are:

+ Neuroscience hints at power of imagining the future. The issue with future is its vagueness and hence its important to imagine in graphic details of your Goals/ Visualize the outcome (power of visualization!). Remember ‘Self-Control‘ isn’t necessarily an inborn trait that you either have or you don’t. It can be developed!

+ Know what you want, what are the values that you stand for and thereof create a plan to achieve them. This will lead to priorities and you reward yourself for each small success. It helps you build your self-esteem too!

+ Shift your mental focus from the short term temptation to finding something else you like. Take a moment to drift off (day-dream!) and take mental breaks. Consider what you’re thankful for – an attitude of gratitude.

+ Watch your urges, and make conscious decisions and with time you’ll learn to avoid situations/persons/circumstances which tend to lead on to temptations. Push yourself to do the hard things and avoid distractions which divert your focus from your goals.

+ Build a strong support network, while you identify your potential obstruction. Set clear boundaries, which help you distinguish between ‘black-and-white’. Create visual reminders and invest in your future gains.

+ Last but NOT the least. Be mindful. Be reflective (of your actions/ choices). Be meditative.

Breathe!!!

May your day be lovely and mindful.

A lot has been written and said about ‘Instant Gratification’ and the famed marshmallow test (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_oy9614HQ). A number of studies have gone ahead to prove why and how ‘instant gratification‘ affects/ impacts our focus and in turn our performance and productivity. This one habit is life changing.

Instant gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pain, and instead, indulge in fleeting pleasures that ultimately result in long-term pain. In other words, you find reasons/ excuses/ crutches not to do something because of the pain it creates at the moment (now) even though you know that this action is necessary to help you attain your long-term goals and objectives. It manifests in procrastination and is a form of self-sabotage; you get caught up indulging in the temptations of life at the cost of your long-term goals. And this is precisely why instant gratification rarely gets us what we want in the long-run.

Think of your whatsapp ‘ping’ that comes while you’d finally decided to open your course-book (the exams looming large around the corner). Resisting the ping and continuing studies is the short-term pain. To succumb and look at the screen, answer, smile, and forward (besides the 10 mins and loss of concentration) leads to losing focus.

Getting caught up in the instant gratification trap can make you very susceptible, and often leads to addictions, jealousy, anger, stress, anxiety and impulsive behavior. It is a direct reflection of your lack of self-discipline and highlights that you are unable to control your emotional urges. This subsequently has significant consequences on your life resulting in  narrow minded thinking, poor decision making and planning habits.

What it Means to Delay Gratification

Delayed gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pleasure/ comfort in order to gain significant long-term pleasure and future rewards. In other words, you ward off short-term temptations that might distract you from your long-term goals and instead focus on what you need to do to achieve your desired long-term outcomes. It helps focus and thus achieving your goals.

Get into the habit of delaying gratification as it gives you more control over your life, decisions, and actions. It is basically your control over your mind. Either your brain works for you (listening to your orders/ command) or you are the slave. You give it orders OR HE gives you orders. Furthermore, it helps you value and appreciate hard work and effort. Yes, things are tough right now, but the pain you experience is a necessary part of the process to help you achieve your long-term goals.

The act of delaying gratification helps to strengthen your mind and shape your character. It builds self control and willpower, reinforces self discipline, and teaches you about the patience. It’s the one habit that determines how successful you will become and how much you will ultimately achieve in your life.

“Arjun what do you see?” asks Dronacharya. “I can only see the eye of the bird”. While others failed to separate their goal from distractions in their path, Arjuna was able to ignore every distraction and he eyes only the prize. In life, there are so many irrelevant things that consume our energy on a day-to-day basis. Those who can put aside the chaos and concentrate/ focus on goals succeed in life.

In the next post get to know how to handle ‘instant gratification’. Interested? Await the post.