A New Decade

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The NEW Decade

Two Zero Two Zero marks the beginning of another decade. And just like the last one, this one too shall pass. And should you take some time out to ponder, you’ll realize that soon you’ll be turning the dreaded number (OMG, I’m 25!!! I’m getting old OR I’m 30, 50 or any number) and if / should you look back, you’ll wonder where did the years pass by.

Make Two Zero Two Zero a decade for turnaround. You’ve done things your way and seen the results. Should you feel you’re stuck at the same place, feel overwhelmed with your situation, feel listless and life just passing by. You’ll soon be inviting new friends called stress | depression | loneliness; and oft these are accompanied by a host of other guests. Unannounced they drop in. The meds. The sleepless nights.

So if you’re a student, what would TURNAROUND mean? You are known as son / daughter of Mr and Mrs … This decade turn it around. By the end of this decade, Your parents should be referred to as father / mother of So and So. Do something so spectacular that you make your parents proud. They are known as the parents of So and So.

If you’re a professional how would TURNAROUND look like? You feel stuck in a rut. Can you look for a change? Change in domain? Change of any particular skill set? Change in your appointment – not just a promotion (which will, in good time, come as it is). I’m referring to quantum jump. You’ve always wanted to do certain things. Can you take baby steps to achieve that?

You could be of any age, position, role … anywhere, doing anything. Let Twenty Zero Twenty Zero be the decade of Change. If you ponder, you’ll realize that this is P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E. … Just get down to do it.

Vignettes from the Uniform

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Foot Soldiers: “For Your Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today”
  1. The recent incidents in J&K and the subsequent actions have brought to fore many issues. Many of my friends, who have not donned the uniform, have oft asked me very pointed questions. Some of them even went ahead and suggested what the response of the uniformed forces should be; from the dubious to the incredulous. Some of you are privy to these through the social media. That our nation does not have conscription army, coupled with complete lack of ground situation, prodded me to share some real-life vignettes to understand ground realities.
  2. My ‘infantry’ battalion; Infantry are the foot soldiers you witness operating in Saragarhi, Mumbai during 26/11 or Kargil in the chilly heights of Tiger Hill/ Tololing.

Fail Fast

3. In my first field posting, we were deployed in the North Eastern frontiers. Of the 4,057 kms of border that we share with China, 1,126 kms is in Arunachal Pradesh. If you see the map, you will notice River Ngi Chu, emanating from the Tibet Autonomous Region enters India and becomes River Lohit. It is a major tributary to the mighty Bramhaputra. River Dong flowing from East to West joins River Lohit. From this junction if you look due East approximately 28 kms (as the crow flies) is the tri junction of the Indo -China – Myanmaar border. A man-made marker is present to identify the location.

4. The mission of our ‘Long-Range Patrol’ was to go along River Dong to the marker.  Time 15 days. 10 men self-contained for the entire duration. Thus, each of us carrying anything from 30 to 35 kgs on our back. We were carrying a Radio Set to give an “all Okay” report each evening and our location. There were no track or trail to follow. Our plan was simple. A four/ five -kilometre march each day. Reach our location and prepare one hot meal and settle down for the night which descended at 4 pm!

5. The first four days were uneventful. That is, if you don’t account for the leeches!! They manage to enter  through the shoe eyelet, crawl up and keep sucking blood. Once huge, they just drop off leaving behind huge blood clots. To counter the leeches, we walked with a salt pouch at the end of the stick and keep dabbing around us. Phew!

6. We would set off after having our hot cup of tea early morning and reach our destination by around 12 – 1 pm. The walk was gruelling and tough. We would often have breaks to catch our breath and have some ‘shakarparas’ (Indian snack, rich in carbs). It tested us for physical fitness, mental robustness, determination and grit. On reaching our destination for the day we would settle down, contact our base and report location and prepare one hot meal and rest. We explored a variety of flora and fauna. My troops being from the North East helped as we would invariably have some fresh catch to keep us going, thanks to the booby traps they would lay.

7. Disaster struck on the fourth day when the heavens opened up. The heavy rains drenched us to our bones. It rained for two full days. We were forced to cancel our walk. Cold and shivering we were forced to take shelter under the canopy of the trees. We commenced on our mission the sixth day without our hot cuppa and, we kept walking till 2 pm. I was aiming to catch up the two days that we missed. Dinner was a challenge as we could not find any dry log| trees to light fire. We slept on half empty stomachs. By now we were running low on our rations and were hoping to complete our mission. But by the ninth day, it seemed like mission impossible.

8. We came up with a brilliant idea. Shed all our weight| heavy bags and proceed with bare essentials. Complete our task and on our way back, pick up our stuff. This sounded very logical. And the next morning, we set off, so much the lighter. That day we walked and walked. By around 12 noon we reached our marker and unfurled the Indian Tricolour and planned to stay there for the night. Without the packs, we had no extra clothing. A bonfire was lit, my boys managed a nice game, and we celebrated with a barbeque. The night was cold. Shivering through the night, we curled up against each other to keep us warm, we all got up at 4 am to return.

9. Things were fine, till we reached the place, where we thought we kept our belongings. Zilch!! We searched and searched and came up with nothing! We decided to spend the night there. With no warm clothing, cold and shivering and this was when the rain gods decided to test our resilience and mental stamina. Wet, cold and hungry, we all huddled and tried to catch a wink. The rains didn’t relent. The radio set was defunct by now, as our batteries had run out. Totally lost in wilderness, with not a soul aware of our location.

10. The fourteenth day, we resumed our walk, with no packs, drenched to the core, and to the pitter patter of the rains. Walking, in stupor, one boy lost his footing, and had a drop of nearly thirty feet. Dangling above the River Dong, which was flowing down below. Rescue was a major challenge, as we could get no footing in the slippery sides. Tying each other two men, lowered themselves and rescued him. He had a fractured ankle. He could definitely not walk anymore. We tied his ankle and decided to carry him. We crafted a stretcher from the logs and commenced our journey back. Night descended and were forced another halt for the night. The morning, saw heavier showers, and visibility restricted to 10 yards. By now two men had very high fever and were unable to walk. I had huge blisters in my foot.

11. We were to return to our base by the fifteenth day; and here we were stuck in an unknown location. Soaked to our bones, we decided to take change things. Hungry, I nominated two boys to hunt for some food. We had weapons to scare away wild animals. As the leader, I was carrying some ammunition. So, the two hunters go to fetch us some food. After some hours we hear a shot! Bingo! Darkness sets in and nothing; Kaput – neither the food nor soldiers. Some local leaves were boiled and we sustained for the night.

12. Just before dawn break, the two soldiers lumbered in. Bedraggled, dishevelled, tired with cuts and bruises all over their bodies as if mauled. On inquiry, we learnt that the hunters had bumped into a small bear and took a shot and missed; the mother hovering nearby charged at them. The two ran to save their lives and kept running for over three hours and both of them could finally meet up only around 2/3 pm. While they were finding their way towards the camp; they found a cave and took shelter for the night. To their horror, this was the mother bear’s abode. They found some remains of the pack that belonged to us, everything torn to pieces and in tatters. They slid out in silence and found their way back to our camp.

13. Twentieth day, the rain gods had mercy and the sun peeked from the mountain range to the East. It ushered a fresh ray of hope and cheer. We found the energy to commence our journey to our destination. We were already three days past expiry date (much later we learnt that rescue mission could not be launched due to the inclement weather). With one soldier on stretcher, we took turns to carry him and made a halt that evening. One of our traps, set on our way out had a catch! Another hot meal (just tandoori!) was enough to perk us up. The hot meal restored our spirits. On the twenty first day, we met a rescue patrol which had been dispatched to look for us. We were still two days from the SP. With the help of the patrol, we gained speed and found our destination.

Call for Action

  1. The whole is greater than the sum total of the parts. Our actions resulted in a string of successes. T.E.A.M. is the key to success. 
  2. As a leader, not only must your T.E.A.M. know your master plan but it is imperative to have their buy-in. Leadership is the imposition of your personality in execution of task. And when the task calls for unlimited liability, you better look into every aspect of their training and operation. And remember, the devil lies in the detail.
  3. Get your T.E.A.M. to buy in your vision, and once that is done, there is nothing they cannot achieve. Believe me when I say, NOTHING!!! And to get your T.E.A.M.s buy-in they need to see:

+ Your skin in the game; your commitment and your whole-hearted involvement. No ifs and no buts. They can see through sham.

+ They should believe that you put them before you, always and every time. I’m proud to share that YOUR army, the credo of the Chetwode, is drilled into every officer: “The safety honour and welfare of your country come first, always and every time. The honour, welfare and comfort of the men you command come next. Your own ease, comfort and safety, come last always and every time.”

+ Nishkaam Karma as a karam yodhha, do your task and BE in the present. The rewards will follow. If you are looking for rewards, concentrate on your service. Its ‘give’ and ‘take’. Remember, you’ll always get more than what you deserve.

+ And if there is one, just one QUALITY that’ll stand by you. That stood by me and stands by every soldier when he dons the uniform. The one differentiator is INTEGRITY. Which really means, that your MEN TRUST YOU to do the right thing. Each one of us comes to this cross road, and we have to make a choice … I urge you, it’s not necessary to make the correct choice BUT make the right choice. It may be a road less travelled. So be it. The journey will be beautiful.

Jai Hind!!!!

What is YOUr Statement?

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A number of you have been wondering about the purpose of your lives and whether you are doing the right thing?

It’s quite natural for these queries to crop up. Every once in a while, when you sit back and relax and you wonder what are you doing with your life, this question pops up? Am I doing the right thing? More importantly, and especially when, you seem to be leading a routine, dull, daily life – when life seems to be a rigmarole. Each day is “same-to-same”. Each day seems to be a repeat of the previous day, and the one previous to that. Fact is, if you slice off a week, from between, you’d not even realize which week has been sliced.

Sad, right? This is not what life is supposed to be, right? Each day should invigorate me. Each day should fill me up with energy, ready to bounce, ready to roll, ready to impact all those lives that come in touch with me, right?

What is the missing ingredient? Why is this NOT happening? Why does the day seem to be such a bore, dragging its feet? It’s neigh impossible to wake up in the morning and feel enthusiastic about the day ahead.

Seems familiar? Sounds familiar? Is this what YOUr life has turned out to be? After all the Engineering Degree/ Management Degree? And YOU thought you’d make a difference. It’ll be joyous, fun-filled journey.

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Welcome to Reality!!

But let me share some tips to make it a reality.

1. Give as much as you can and where ever you can. Helping other people is healthier and makes you feel good.

2. Relate to people. Truly connect. People with strong social relationships are healthier and find happiness. Keep the principle of family first foremost.

3. Exercise and take care of your body. Each morning get up and inject fresh oxygen into your system. Do anything, walk, run, yoga … definitely not in the gym!! Go out and let fresh oxygen in. It charges the billion cells of your body and you feel great.

4. Appreciate the good things of life. Have an Attitude of Gratitude. Be in the present. Look around and be thankful for the wonderful gift of life. Enjoy the present.

If you are depressed, YOU are living in the past, If you are anxious, YOU are living in the future. If you are at PEACE, you are living in the Present.

5. Be a Child and remember as a child you kept learning each day. Keep learning each day. Learning keeps you curious and engaged.

6. Attitude of  Positivity. There can only be good – just because you cannot see it now, doesn’t mean it’ll not happen. Good things are in store. Have patience and keep working. Do your duty with a pure intent, without looking to the rewards. It sounds tough, but its easy. Just do it!!

7. Accept the consequences of your action. Things will happen – but all in good time. So just have patience and continue to enjoy what you are doing.

But then these seven steps will make my mind positive but what about my office. The work environment, the crabby boss, the *** colleague and so forth.

Foremost, be clear as to what you want to do. The moment, you realize you are doing things which are ‘giving back’, you start enjoying the work. Some people call it passion. Just that, when you are doing it, you don’t look at your watch (or even your fb/whatsapp), and you kinda enjoy what you are doing.

Get to do those things. To find your purpose, therefore, ask yourself, “What is my Statement?” How will people describe you in one sentence?

He single-handedly, fought for the freedom of his nation non-violently and successfully ousted a 200 year old regime, to gain Independence for his Country.

What is YOUr Statement?

Searching for Passion

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I dunno ’bout you, but very early in life, being from a boarding school, I got influenced with the uniformed people around us. The first competitive exam and shortly, I was donning the uniform. A number of YOU’ve asked me whether, I always wanted to be in the uniform? In hindsight, I would say, Y . E . S . I wouldn’t trade that for anything else.

Why do you all put off what you want to become?

You Already Know what YOU want to BE

A number of YOU do say, “I don’t know what to do with my life!” But deep down, you do know, ’cause with slight probing, the answer is out! YOU just don’t know it yet, OR are blind to it with excuses, rationalization, some ifs and more buts! So the problem isn’t you not knowing what to do, but something else.

Haunted by YOUr Parents’ Wishes for YOU

Your parents leave a huge imprint on your formative minds and project themselves onto you. At times, even fulfilling their unfulfilled dreams (aka Dangal). But, at times, their aspirations for YOU might not have anything to do with YOU. “I’m different!”

In “The Way of the Superior Man” (author David Deida) says “live like your father is dead.” Until you let go of your parents’ expectations for you and do what you want to do. There’s a huge difference between physically and psychologically leaving the nest. Once you accomplish both, you’re free to do what you want.

YOU Don’t Think YOU can pull it Off

If YOU were guaranteed to succeed in whatever you did, I bet you’d suddenly know what to do with your life. Our biggest problem isn’t a lack of knowledge about ourselves. It’s fear. You know what you want to do, but you’re afraid. And fear is no easy mess to untangle. It’s almost insane how much our minds control us as if they were separate entities. The moment you think about doing ‘that thing,’ the inner critic whispers right into your amygdala. The fear never goes; YOU can work on it though with practice and getting better in what you do. 

So what should I do?

The thing is YOU know; but YOU’re waiting for someone to tell YOU, “It’ll work and guarantee you success“. Thus YOU are unsure OR afraid!!  You already know what ‘THE thing’ is. You knew it when you were a YOUng boy/girl. Find the courage to live the life YOU want to live. Remember, you have everything you need already.

 

Independence Day

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India-0037_-_Flickr_-_archer10_(Dennis)

Happy 72nd Independence Day

As we all celebrate our 72nd Independence Day and shout out ‘Bharat Mata ki Jai’ and “Jai Hinds” let us think whether we are independent? Yes, it does invoke a sense of patriotism within us and somewhere deep down quite a few of us feel proud too.

But let me pose a question to each one of you here. Are you Independent? No, no … don’t be in a hurry to answer. Just sit back, think awhile and answer. Are you truly Independent?

Let me assist you answer that! Independence Day is a joyous occasion; think of 1947, when the nation united to celebrate the end of British reign and we got FREEDOM!!!

Freedom gives joy. The knowledge that we are free gives us that JOY!!! Think back of your first bike/car/job .. and the sense of independence; the joy. So if you are independent you should’ve been joyous, right? Are you? The answer by a majority of you is NO.

Fact is, you all are slaves. Slaves to your own habits. And these habits have become hardwired in your brains. Think of all the times you got angry/irritated. On query, invariably the answer is, he/she did this and I lost control (and got angry), his/her such and such actions irritate me so much … and at times we go to the extent to say .. he/she knows I get irritated with such an act and yet he/she did it on purpose to irritate me.

Now, let us analyze this a bit. His/her actions angered/irritated me. My peace, harmony, happiness; my very own stability was shaken and stirred by someone’s action/talk/ situation and so on. My peace/harmony/joy/happiness is dependent on his/her action. Where is the Independence? We have given the control of our stability to someone else who controls my buttons. The remote has been handed over.

Let me give you another example. So you were in a tight situation, facing your angry father and the easy way out was to lie your way through. You chose that option and were able to make a getaway. The next time the lie came easier and slowly and steadily, your brains get hard-wired. Soon, its your habit. And now the system has been short circuited. You don’t think (OR choose); your brain does it for you. YOUR FREEDOM to choose has been blanked out as the default mode now is to lie. Where is your FREEDOM?

This INDEPENDENCE DAY choose to be totally independent from your own habits. be In-dependent. IN dependent; here you are dependent on your own self; your feelings, emotions and stability. Thus you are INDEPENDENT and not dependent on others feelings/ actions/words/ situations.

Take a PLEDGE.

What STOPS YOU …

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mountains

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same” – Colin Davis

During my various interaction with the YOUth across the Country, I’m constantly asked this one question (in different versions); Why don’t I seem to be achieving my Goal? Why don’t I fulfill what I set out to do? Why am I not successful or words to that effect. A quick query to uncle Googs will throw up various pages with answer to the question .. 10 steps, 9 things, 7 ways to, 5 reasons why and so on. Our ancient books have spoken at length about goal setting and ways to achieve it. Arjun, and his quip about the ‘eye of the bird’ is an oft repeated story highlighting that without focus your goals are distant dreams.

Some of the reasons are pretty obvious, I suppose (or not quite obvious for those who are addicted, right?) The millennial kids were born with the ‘smart’ phone in their hands. Yes, they pretty well know how to find the location (google maps), order the food they want (swiggy), ask for the particular shade of lipstick (flipkart) but I’ve found them wanting when it comes to inter-personal communication. And yet, empirical evidence suggests that this is the same generation that is floundering … 😦

I Believe

  1. Instant Gratification. Prof Walter Mischel, Prof Stanford University in his seminal work on delaying gratification and its effect on mind control spells out the negative effect of giving in to all our cravings instantly. Think Whatsapp. One ‘ping’ and the hand moving to slide the screen to see who pinged! Instant gratification! This is one major cause of distraction and losing focus. Delay the gratification and get a grip of your life.
  2. Burning Desire. The need to achieve the goal should be so strong that it is the only thing that you think all day along. Your activities revolve around this one goal. Your preparations, your studies, your actions are all driven to towards achieving it. Say you want to join the defence forces as an officer. Morning physical activity is directed towards that. The day-long preparations are for the written exam. The net is for research of related subject. Any interaction with other people must be this goal related. Parties, picnics and photo ops will happen post success. Now focus.
  3. Role Model. Have a role model. Speak to him (if possible). Emulate him. Read up about him. Find similar stories of success and realize that this is achievable. Go for it! Never give up. If thousands have walked the path earlier, so be it. Remember, that if they could do it, YOU too can. Have a clear road map. It should chalk out step-wise action plan. This followed by this and so on.
  4.  Give up. A number of you give up too soon, too fast. One failure/ rejection puts the brakes on. Remember, failure is part of the process. Without failure you’ll not grow, not learn. Fail, and learn. Then be back on track. Sir Alex Ferguson (Man U coach) used to tell his team – win or lose, you get 24 hours! Celebrate or mourn … but after 24 hours be back on the training ground. Re-calibrate and be back with greater vigour.
  5. Feedback loop. The system of feedback has either not put in place or is faulty. Some of us deliberately, don’t set up this mechanism, as we are not comfortable with negative comments. We don’t realize that without feedback your achieving goals are tougher. Feedback help you in affecting mid-course corrections and to bash on!
  6. Focus. Earlier when I mentioned Arjun, it was focus that I wanted to highlight. There is too much clutter in your mind. This clutter clutters your mind. It does not quite help you to prioritize or focus. De-clutter. Delete unwanted stuff. Meditate and get your focus back.
  7. Check your Belief Systems. At times it is our belief systems that hold us back. We believe in talented people thus preventing us from putting in hard work. We believe in child prodigy and thus want to believe success is hereditary. We believe in a number of such ideas which prevent us putting our best foot forward. This lack of Belief hinders our growth. Prevents us from achieving our true potential.

Over the years, I’ve personally realized that, when I focus and put in the hard work, the results are there for all to see. Success is bound to happen. Things are bound to fall in place. Goals are a given. You’ll stand tall with Victory at your feet.

Wishing YOU all the success.

 

Instant Gratification …

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Or why don’t I seem to Achieve all that I’ve set myself to achieve.

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The ‘Monkey’ controls my Actions.

In my last post I penned about “Am I losing Focus?” and signed off mentioning about Instant Gratification.

A number of readers came back to me with: YOLO (you only live once)/ Lyf is to be enjoyed/ why delay instant gratification and live a lyf of no limits, no restraints. Well, well …

Prof Walter Mischel (American-Austrian Psychologist) of Standford University came out with his seminal work; The Marshmallow Experiment. The students who could delay instant gratification were psychologically better adjusted, more dependable, motivated and scored better grades. It improves your will power and helps reach your long term goals faster. The exact same participants in 2011 reflected that the basic characteristics of the individuals remained for life.

And yet, we succumb to ‘Instant Gratification’. While in most cases we think we are in control. Dan Ariely in his book ‘Predictably Irrational’ highlights how your mind can be easily manipulated, so much so that, you’re predictably irrational. Remember, the ice cream you craved and gave into, despite dieting promises.

While the YOLO brigade shout from rooftops of ‘Carpe Diem‘ – Seize the Day and how you need to do whatever you feel like. Well, they also need to hear about ‘Carpent tua poma nepotes‘ – Good things come to those who wait or as we say in vernacular; ‘sabr ka phal mithaa’.

The question is why do we give in, when we know that giving in/ succumbing to instant gratification is harmful in the long run, it diminishes focus and prevents us from our long term goals. Why do we, despite making promises, falter on coming to crossroads and make a wrong choice? Do we lose control of our minds? Or is the Monkey controlling us, making decisions for us?

Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfillment without delay or deferment. Basically, it’s when you want it; and you want it now. When we don’t get fulfillment, our psychological response is anxiety or tension and often manifests as procrastination. It’s a form of self-sabotage where you get caught up indulging in the temptations of life at the cost of your long-term goals. Indulging in instant gratification is a clear sign that you lack self-discipline and highlights that you are unable to control your emotional urges. This subsequently has significant consequences on your life resulting in narrow-minded thinking, poor decision making, and planning habits.

Delayed gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pleasure (comfort) in order to gain significant long-term pleasure and future rewards. In other words, you ward off short-term temptations that might distract you from your long-term goals and instead focus on what you need to do to achieve your desired long-term outcomes. Why doesn’t the mind obey your orders? fMRI (functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging) observed increased activity in anterior prefrontal cortex (aPFC), thinking about the future. This image is fuzzy and hence NOT appealing. How do we make this tempting?

The aim is to get the impulsive people to produce activity in their brain that shows they’re thinking about future in a CONCRETE way, making them look and act more patiently. Because the future is fuzzy and impulsive people have an especially hard time imagining it, clinical treatments involve de-emphasizing the present, making it more abstract, building a concrete image of future.

Some Strategies for Delayed Gratification and not succumbing are:

+ Neuroscience hints at power of imagining the future. The issue with future is its vagueness and hence its important to imagine in graphic details of your Goals/ Visualize the outcome (power of visualization!). Remember ‘Self-Control‘ isn’t necessarily an inborn trait that you either have or you don’t. It can be developed!

+ Know what you want, what are the values that you stand for and thereof create a plan to achieve them. This will lead to priorities and you reward yourself for each small success. It helps you build your self-esteem too!

+ Shift your mental focus from the short term temptation to finding something else you like. Take a moment to drift off (day-dream!) and take mental breaks. Consider what you’re thankful for – an attitude of gratitude.

+ Watch your urges, and make conscious decisions and with time you’ll learn to avoid situations/persons/circumstances which tend to lead on to temptations. Push yourself to do the hard things and avoid distractions which divert your focus from your goals.

+ Build a strong support network, while you identify your potential obstruction. Set clear boundaries, which help you distinguish between ‘black-and-white’. Create visual reminders and invest in your future gains.

+ Last but NOT the least. Be mindful. Be reflective (of your actions/ choices). Be meditative.

Breathe!!!

May your day be lovely and mindful.

Am I Losing Focus?

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poster-patience-aristotle

A lot has been written and said about ‘Instant Gratification’ and the famed marshmallow test (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_oy9614HQ). A number of studies have gone ahead to prove why and how ‘instant gratification‘ affects/ impacts our focus and in turn our performance and productivity. This one habit is life changing.

Instant gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pain, and instead, indulge in fleeting pleasures that ultimately result in long-term pain. In other words, you find reasons/ excuses/ crutches not to do something because of the pain it creates at the moment (now) even though you know that this action is necessary to help you attain your long-term goals and objectives. It manifests in procrastination and is a form of self-sabotage; you get caught up indulging in the temptations of life at the cost of your long-term goals. And this is precisely why instant gratification rarely gets us what we want in the long-run.

Think of your whatsapp ‘ping’ that comes while you’d finally decided to open your course-book (the exams looming large around the corner). Resisting the ping and continuing studies is the short-term pain. To succumb and look at the screen, answer, smile, and forward (besides the 10 mins and loss of concentration) leads to losing focus.

Getting caught up in the instant gratification trap can make you very susceptible, and often leads to addictions, jealousy, anger, stress, anxiety and impulsive behavior. It is a direct reflection of your lack of self-discipline and highlights that you are unable to control your emotional urges. This subsequently has significant consequences on your life resulting in  narrow minded thinking, poor decision making and planning habits.

What it Means to Delay Gratification

Delayed gratification is a habit where you forgo short-term pleasure/ comfort in order to gain significant long-term pleasure and future rewards. In other words, you ward off short-term temptations that might distract you from your long-term goals and instead focus on what you need to do to achieve your desired long-term outcomes. It helps focus and thus achieving your goals.

Get into the habit of delaying gratification as it gives you more control over your life, decisions, and actions. It is basically your control over your mind. Either your brain works for you (listening to your orders/ command) or you are the slave. You give it orders OR HE gives you orders. Furthermore, it helps you value and appreciate hard work and effort. Yes, things are tough right now, but the pain you experience is a necessary part of the process to help you achieve your long-term goals.

The act of delaying gratification helps to strengthen your mind and shape your character. It builds self control and willpower, reinforces self discipline, and teaches you about the patience. It’s the one habit that determines how successful you will become and how much you will ultimately achieve in your life.

“Arjun what do you see?” asks Dronacharya. “I can only see the eye of the bird”. While others failed to separate their goal from distractions in their path, Arjuna was able to ignore every distraction and he eyes only the prize. In life, there are so many irrelevant things that consume our energy on a day-to-day basis. Those who can put aside the chaos and concentrate/ focus on goals succeed in life.

In the next post get to know how to handle ‘instant gratification’. Interested? Await the post.

One Step towards Changing the World

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happy Yes I_can_FlyRecently, interacting with a fresh lot of IAS probationers, one of them queried, “Sir, do you think YOU can impact the YOUth with your sessions? It’s not a straight answer .. but then what drives me, what guides me, what motivates me … are small little indicators, a sign here, a flag there.
This was the missive in my inbox this morning … (names have been changed for ‘privacy settings set up by ;);))
Sir ,

You probably won’t recognize me now.
Back in 2016 , you came to *****, S****** (a autonomous public institute of higher education, governed by the Institutes of Technology Act, 1961 and lists twenty-three institutes), and gave your pre-placement talk with the main aim of motivating and help people gear up for the placements.

The way it happens in Engineering Colleges a lot of students skipped your session but a lot of them did attend, and even though I (an Electrical Engineer) was already placed at ****, I still attended both out of curiosity and somehow felt that these sessions are important. And hence, I think, I keep receiving your mails.
Its been 2 years since then. I joined **** but always felt like I could do better. At times felt the kind of work I was doing would not help me grow. Appeared for GATE twice but missed the interview calls by as narrow a margin as 0.5 marks.

Through these periods of downfalls and de-motivation your mails kept arriving regularly and they motivated me and your case studies provided insight (used the ideas, helped a lot in my professional life too). I always saw a light in the end of the tunnel.

Even though studying at an *** was always my dream, failing to do so has given me an equivalent opportunity instead. I am currently enrolled at  the M.Tech in Computer Science course at **Institute! Half way through my M.Tech, and on my way to ******* Research Labs, Bangalore for my Summer Internship! I’m super excited and life is looking great!

Sir, YOU’re doing a great job. Perhaps the most important thing that people require in these tough times is motivation and self belief , students and professionals alike, in their monotonic lives.

I just wanted to extend my gratitude to you for your wonderful work.
Tra la la la la … super super day! The sun is shining bright and the breeze is just a bit cooler! The birds are chirping louder and my round of golf was so much better.
Thank You.
To come back to the question asked by the IAS probationer, YES, YES and YES!!! I see myself doing what I’m doing, as even if one, just one student can benefit, it’s worth it.

Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the beach.  Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.

Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching.  As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The man called out, “Hey! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”

The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”

The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!” and this one!!!.

Shukriya

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Mere Soch ko nayi raah dikhaane ke liye shukriya
Mujhe khud ko khud se pehchanwaane ke liye shukriya!

Ab tak toh bas, raaste ka patthar tha mein
Mujhe anmol banane k liye shukriya!

Mein ye ehsaan kabhi bhool nahi sakta
Mere zameer ko jagane ke liye shukriya!

Ab na padegi kisi par buri nazar, kasam se
Meri nazroon ko jhukaane ke liye shukriya!

Baant rahe the aap, hum samet rahe the
Duno hantho se gyaan lutane ke liye sukriya!

Mein haar bhi jau toh koi gum nahi ab
Mujhe sacchi ladayi sikhane ke liye shukriya!

Mein mutthi band kar, ek hunkaar bharunga
Mujhe jeet ka ahsaas dilaane ke liye shukriya!

This was a poem composed by Mirza Zeeshan, a student of mine, after a session at their institution. I feel humbled to share this and pray to the Lord Almighty to give me the Courage to continue on the path that I’ve ventured.

Dedicated to the YOUth of Our Amazing Country 🙂